is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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