**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
