i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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