I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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