apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Of course I have a pirate flag
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
