If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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