i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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