Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize