Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
