I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
