does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
