You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We talked him into tasing himself.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
