now i know why i became what i already was.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
