im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
