There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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