fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
