NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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