she looked like the before picture.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
