Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
