How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
