just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
