don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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