everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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