I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
