Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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