So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
