Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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