He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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