he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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