seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
