is your mom at the bar?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
