I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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