Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
