is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
