It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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