who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
