mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
