After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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