Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
