How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
