We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize