hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
