So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
