so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
two words: eviction party
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
