Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
