I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
