Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
