can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I checked into jail on foursquare
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
