all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
