No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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