i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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