Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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