If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
