Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
