dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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