It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
