He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
