Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
