I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
