I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
