i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize