You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
even my farts smell like vagina
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize