I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
