Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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