Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
