i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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