Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
