can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In other news, I just burned my penis
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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