I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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