That's intense
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When are your genitals available?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
ok first of all what the fuck
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
