It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
