Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
